audits unplugged….
Omigod……they’re coming in to do an audit !! Screams, shrieks and hypertension abound.
Why does an audit get looked forward to with as much excitement as a dentist’s appointment?
After all, as Socrates did opine, ‘the unexamined life is not worth living’ and the goal of Socratic interrogation, as we all know, is to help individuals achieve genuine self-knowledge, even if it often turns out to be negative in character.
………and we all know what happened to Socrates, right? The guys he was trying to ‘examine’ gently handed over a poisoned chalice. Fascinating, how they treated ‘auditors’ in times gone by. Those Greeks truly rocked !
Audits are like blunt edged knives; the killing me is not softly.
The practitioners even look like wolves in wolf’s clothing. Have seen them change from ghouls into humans as they walk in, drooling in anticipation of the ensuing destruction and mayhem.
‘I’m the fairy godauditor. Let’s work together, hand in hand, for a lasting solution to your problems that will result in unbridled mirth and joy to one and all’, is the unsuspecting lullaby. I fell for it once and laid my operations soul bare. The sweet smiles I got were, in retrospect, lips licking themselves in a feeding frenzy as I later got hit with a stinking report that was ostensibly designed to ‘improve’ me and mine……
They probably snigger mindlessly as they exchange notes in their bat caves about non-conformance reports handed out like confetti.
The standard counter thought is that one should not be aggravated by an audit if one has nothing to hide and if all that one surveys is working as efficiently as a tick’s tock. Let’s face it, though, the average auditor is shattered, foams at the mouth and pops prozac when there is a distinct lack of sounds of skeletons rattling in dark closets !
Ok, rant is done.
Time to think: let’s say God decides to do an audit of my life hitherto and sits across me with a divine checklist of sorts.
This report will not go to ‘senior’ management, it has no connections to any performance appraisal, will not affect bonuses; just an honest-to-God (quite literally) look at what I think, what I say, how I behave, my use of time, talent and opportunity etc.
Uncomfortable?
Well, ‘the examined life is no picnic either’, says Robert Fulghum. He’s right. Unfortunately.
Would rather drink the poisoned chalice………..
C.
Your audit with the God is for sure to happen and it will decide where you settle down ultimately! So its good to have a self audit and make sure you are going to the right places!! There is nothing better than a self audit, because unlike in front of an outsider you can’t cheat, just like you can’t cheat god almighty!!
We are too good. Lot of big companies depend on us for survival. So don’t be too harsh on us. Our clients include Enron, Lehman & his brother, SATYAM, and all those 100s of banks which did not survive. Right now we are busy finding the reasons why all of them went down. So we always have work, recession or not!
@ Fairy, there is some truth to what you are saying, unfortunately !!
@ Auditor, that was rather cruel but true, I guess
Audit is a part of life. When you are a small kid you get your parents, family members, friends, teachers ,…to audit you. Even then you get a bit jittery based on your deeds! Then your life partner(s). In a work environment Audit beocmes a must when people are not open as in a family environment!
good topic,nice angle. but I feel not much time given to mould it into a good piece. Maybe the blogger was in a hurry! pls take time and finish it well in future..
cm, I agree with your observation.
Caught with my pants down I am
C, I dodn’t mean to do that
! just an observation.
Dude…I’m married AND Catholic,,,you think audits scare me?… Now, about that poisoned chalice…
Neilman,……..we am not worthy !
Maybe audits could be renamed Inquisitions. Only to bring back that old comfy feel of ‘barbeque stakes’……
what a thot! I agree fully about the auditors. Just can’t stand that ‘I know everything & you don’t know anything’ face.
But looking at it from a distance, I feel that this was something which life has offered to the greater population to manage the mankind in a better and defined way. Who defined what will be the issue.
In the shorter term you may look at the chalice (they have lot of varieties these days to fill up), but in the longer version one may just laugh it off. But even if the process may not be upto the mark or the marker maynot be a pro the intetion justifies the whole thing.
Welcome Allen.
Yes, I agree, the intention is good – ostensibly ! – all said n done. The rant felt great, though
The same holds good for the unexamined life Socratic quip, too.
….tis a brave man who can look in the mirror, wince, and then go ahead and do something about it as opposed to finding excuses to weave his way around what he sees.
Cheers
We all have blind spots (I refer to the Johari Window). That’s why Socrates’ method of self-examination included the essential element of “Socratic” dialogue. Dialoguing with a close friend, a spouse, a therapist or spiritual adviser helps reveal those blind spots we cannot see by ourselves.
Doesn’t our society discourage self-awareness with a weekly cycle of working and consuming that keeps us too busy to slow down for self-reflection? Consumer capitalism’s game plan prefers an unaware and vaguely dissatisfied populace that tries to fill the emptiness inside with shiny new products.
It’s a radical act to stop and contemplate your life. According to Socrates, it’s the only game that really matters, I guess. Blogger’s thoughts are remarkably pressing. Much like a ‘smart’ therapist who leads you into pondering self-awareness but from a distance from where self-disclosure can be ‘safely’ termed counterproductive!
As for the agnostic (or atheist), don’t tell me your conscience won’t serve as your auditor, or now you don’t believe in that too?!
An auditor’s worst enemy is only another auditor…